If All that you leave Behind

If All that you leave Behind

10/26/2001

are memories and "fond" wishes for the future - that what we've behind is merely a wisp, a shadow, a fleeting moment where glances meet.

But all that you've left behind -

We remember "firsts" not only because they were an exciting new experience, but because they opened up a whole new world. I remember the the first time I held somebody's hand in a meaningful way - 'twas on a cold night in a warm theatre in moscow - it was supposed to be some cultural exchange thing - but hey - it was warm and cosy. I remember the first time I kissed Ms Tan - it was at Changi Airport and we were sitting in some sending off area - just hanging out to see someone else off the next morning ...

And I will remember, with the formal graduation of the sec 4s, several firsts.

Will remember 4B as the first class that responded and was enthusiastic about lessons. I think they were the first sec 3 EL class I stepped into and right from the first lesson, they were very enthusiastic. I've never had to really squeeze them for a response and even when they were very tired and bored with Compres, they would try to respond. It was also a class that "got" what I said. You know - could see the recognition in their eyes. So I'll remember them.

Will remember 4C as my "first Lit class". I know that there is 4L, but 4C was really the class that I felt gave some of them gave themselves to the subject and really put in a lot. Glad it ended wonderfully - and not on a note of "i-hate-lit-and-never-want-to-read-a-book-again-even-if-it's-the-road-directory".

Will remember 4L as my first class of miracles. I'll never cease to be amazed by the way some of the kids made such a dramatic turn around in Lit when they came up to Sec 4. By the end of sec 3 I thought that Lit was a wash out for them - but they proved me wrong. Some of them have turned out to be really quite wonderful at Lit and very fun to talk with as well. I think the greatest compliment to 4L (in terms of lit) was the fact that Mrs Blaw was pleasantly surprised at the high-quality of some of the work.

Will remember 4M as my first pai kiah/whole life in trouble/rowdy/often disrespectful/never do homework/never do classwork/always searching bag for work that "I did at home ... just forgot to bring"/let's laugh so that we don't have to listen to him class. All the moanings about the class, all the heartaches about the class. I will remember them as a class that first intimidated then turned out to be quite "fun" and yet really irritating at times. A class where you had to continually think of ways to motivate and educate, where the unpredictable could happen. I think the way some of them have become very sensible in spite of all the fun-lovingness, is heart-warming.

Will finally, remember 4K as my darlings - my first form class. Actually quite sad that we didn't have at least some of sec 3 together. All the horsing around and corny jokes, the Fs for cleanliness, the pseudo uniform checks (I was checking fingernails for colour until our indomitable classchairperson pointed out I should be checking for length) the outbursts of irrelevance, the FOOD, the messing up of my house, the talks in the canteen, the moments of silence, the GUYS, the Girl Power, the Auntys, the individuals.

I will remember SA for her hair that never stays down - and her strange toothy grin and impish look. I will remember LJ for always managing to look sleepy and for somehow still being smart, QY for being so cheapskate and a man of principles no less, GK for his continual self-sacrifice and ability to absorb insults, MF for being so unassuming and responsible and hardworking and sensible, J for talking non-stop and being the first person to always point out something wrong with what I say, MD for being such SNAG, YY for her nonchalance and daring to be different, HL for her wonderfully irrelevant and occassionally insightful comments, XH for being always so proper and polite and accurate, E for chuckling to herslf, writing neatly and being short, WJ for always smiling so sweetly and being so sincere about everything, SY for asking questions quietly, K for asking questions loudly (good thing too ...), QY for the quizzical smile that shades her face, JH for the pats on the shoulder and interesting points of view, D for never speaking loudly but always intelligently, DH for being such a focussed and never say die individual, B for one single conversation next to an ice cream stall one afternoon, SW for her wonderful smile (after a while I always looked to her first whenever i consciously made a joke bec. if she smiles, I know it's not lousy humour), PY for believing in things, K for daring to be different and for having a voice, SW for being so sensible about work and yet so whacky with friends, AL for having bigger pects than me, SY for being such a quiet and consistent worker (and for asking me very direct and focussed questions once in the library), AH for being expressive, MS for being so strong, DL for short hair and being determined, Z for acting blur and never knowing when to stop, QF for saying Hi early in the morning and being cool, WM for making a great comeback and for never being fazed, V for being in Lala land yet always writing so well, F for long talks and for listening, and HY for irrepressible enthusiasm, holding it all together and being so cheery everyday (with "err got two absent ... but later then I tell you who they are ...)

In my ending is my beginning. I know I have become friends with some of the kids. It's not just a teacher-student "can you give me more marks relationship" and now that they're formally done with school, really hope that will continue to be friends and continue to hang around in their lives (not as a spectre, but as ... well ... a friend). So, without manufactured emotion, I say a thank you and goodbye, knowing that while some I will grow to know better even after they've left school, for others, today was the last time I'd see them.