A Return

A Return

10/17/2001

I write of returns, not to legislate my past for it is irredemably gone, but to find a thread that runs true. Since I started writing here to think about what I do each day I should return to that.

What I've appreciated most about the classes I teach I think is the opportunity to speak with individuals about their lives, to find out more about who they are, think they are or try to be. I think one of the ways I got to be more at ease with 4K was when I started getting to know them as individuals.

I think some adults have this POV that you've got to talk to children like they're children. I've realised that I'm not very good at that. This sometimes has its drawbacks. I don't give good advice very well. (ie in an objective "Have you thought about the consequences of your actions?" or "Imagine if you were in your parents' shoes?") On the other hand, I'm always very aware of the insufficency of what I know and have experienced and so can only gesture towards solutions rather than place them clearly in front of kids.

I love sitting in the canteen and chatting. Not in a purposeful let's-talk-about-why-you-got-a-B-instead-of-an-A way. Strange you know, cause I'm not a very good chatter with people my age. I suspect people my age are very reserved and cautious about what they'll tell you. It's all very "O how hot it is today" kind of stuff.

I like having serious talks too. Sometimes its important to just give a little space to ourselves to think about intrinsic things I guess. And when an individual is willing to question the basis of indentity and purpose with you, it's a magical moment.

I suppose that's why I'm a small group talker more. In a large group, it's easy to be a clown (used to have a running joke about how I'd be remembered on my gravestone as the FUNNY ONE) Of course, a clown is a clown (literary symbol :the fool/dwarf ...) to hide things or to adopt a less imposing guise lest his critique of reality hits too close to home. It's that wisdom in foolishness idea. You know, when the Caesars of Rome came back from glorious victories, they would when in triumphant procession, have at the back of their chariot, a dwarf murmuring, reminding them that they were mortal like every man. I suppose the dwarf does get serious only one person at a time ... because publically "the show must go on".

Ooo how we've digressed.

If I could start a CCA, I would start the "Philosophical Society", where members would sit around with coffee (or any other serious drink) and TALK. There is something in talking that is generative. We would trade stories. We would concoct theories. We would critique each other's lives.

In other words - why don't we get CCA points for being human? Why do we have to manufacture "activity"?

Was actually very pissed the whole morning with stupid bureacratic rubbish that was essentially a wild goose chase that pandered to the whims of indecision. Leaders should make the tough calls and not be namby pamby "why don't you generate everything to 3 decimal points (again) and then we can see how ... In the end, the rationale and decision remained - just wasted my time, killed a lot of trees and discredited the system even more. In order to be someone in the education service: you must
1. be servile
2. not understand things too quickly so you can be seen to do lots of work that might otherwise have been avoided by a more intelligent person
3. push the buck to someone who doesn't have the authority to make a decision
4. ask at least 5 other people who don't have a right to make a decision for their opinion
5. throw in irrelevant arguments to appear to be considering things from different perspectives
6. NOT keep an eye on the big picture because that would cause matters to be too clearly resolved (and thus making it appear that we're doing work)

Sigh ... at least if I were one of the kids ... I'd be assured that I wouldn't need to be back next year.