To record - 1/2/2002

a first is perhaps the single thing that contradicts the notion of firsts and allowing that moment remain as a first. For the act of writing about it renders that "first" no longer untouched in its moment. Rather, that first becomes recorded, re-ordered and reconstructed - via word, via memory. What is possible is to understand and know full well that writing about a first is neccesarily a "re-inscribing", a re-living perhaps because that moment of experience is already a mitigated one.

But I shall, at the risk of cementing a "false version" of how i feel (but the subjectivity of emotion does lend itself as a freedom of sorts) about the first day of school.

I perhaps feel that working with my form class is going to be an uphill task and a challenge. There seemed to be distinct blocks of support / cliques which when I checked out later are really there. Not that having close friends or liking certain groups of people better is wrong: the problem arises when these groups become hostile and un-cooperative. So I'll probably have to scramble the class a bit and see if things change for the better. Am also thinking about whether or not I should talk about this issue which apparently has a history from the previous year. Sigh - so much emotional baggage at fourteen.

Have already sent 4 people out of class for speaking mandarin (and in one case hokkien ...) Will try to be consistent and firm about this one although I know it's very embarassing. They've got to learn how to get used to speaking english naturally.

Enjoyed my first Lit class very much. The class was rather responsive (considering it was the first time they were with me) and gave some rather thought-provoking replies. Felt that spark and love for the subject and the excitement about getting the kids into the subject as I taught. Lit's definitely the thing!