An interlude

An interlude

9/30/2001

I suspect the psychology of the OD is quickly catching up with me. Spent the whole afternoon skulking around different ODs and trying to read stuff quickly - must have spent up to 3 hours doing it ... and didn't get to write anything because the server was down.

There's an Underworld

Not an Underground that is dark and dangerous

Not an illegal smuggling of gossip -

But an Underworld in the sense that Don DeLilio uses it -

We know of the significance of events, of their place in history, or identities and men, only because of the traces left behind. The tremendous amount of debris, of "waste", of what is disposed = rubbish, constitues this underworld. Some objects are more valued - they become antiques, some less they become land-fill

But regardless, it's this Underworld that charts the movements of our lives.

"Is cyberspace a thing within the world or is it the other way around? Which contains the other, and how can you tell for sure?" UW, DD 826

Things Change

Things Change

9/30/2001

Ok for the people that have bothered to write a note - maybe it's nive to know that this is a recount - so that the comments will be in that perspective ...

So the last entry had me not really wanting to commit to 4K, but several things changed all that.

1. Several members of the class were pretty enthusiastic about doing things right - remember WanJun doing up an excellent class seating plan (which I could shift and play around with ...) plus Kimberly's really positive attitude about all things.

2. They bothered to come to my house for CNY (sort of invited themselves) and that gave us all a chance to hang out apart from a formal classroom setting - which was quite fun. (We also played that infinitely silly - but challenging - sign game ...)

3. CIP for the Gujarat Earthquake victims. I guess that sealed it for me. I realised that I had inherited an immensely talented and spontaneous bunch of kids whose enthusiasm for learning and experience would otherwise be limited (ahem ... forgive the pun on the name) by me. I was major impressed by the commitment of the art people and by Hui Yi's holding everything together. I was also impressed by Feng counting recounting recounting (you get the picture) money.

So I came to know that 4K was made up of quite wonderful bunch of people in spite of all the stuff that I was apprehensive about ... I think things took a turn for the better.

Fond Rememberance

Fond Rememberance

9/30/2001

I suppose one way to not lose sight of what we're doing is to remember how difficult it was to get here. I consciously write now knowing that I want the Kids to read this - probably after they're graduation - so they know how I've felt ove rthe past year. it ties things up and shows them a little more about myself - which is important if they're going to know how to reflect and think about their own lives ...

When I was first told by Mrs K that I had to teach 4K I was pretty apprehensive - after all, wasn't that the class that had quite a lot of trouble with the school the previous year? Also, didn't it already have a dynamic teacher in Ai Ling - so why me? Mrs K explained that I really didn't have much of a choice anyway ... plus I was supposed to FORM teacher the class - sigh -

So I went to class with an attitude of just getting things done. Let's be professional about this. Don't change the world Gary - just let things carry on. I remember being clear in our first class committee (and only) meeting about how I didn't want to intrude into things and let the class just carry on as it had been going on. I felt uneasy interacting with 4K right at the beginning (what's all this laughter when QinYao is nominated to by DY Classchairperson ... why did HuiYi say "Really ah, Mr Lim?"

After all, Faith hadn't really said very good stuff about the class - that they were just into being entertained and weren't very forgiving about teachers.

So I guess I went into it with just wanting to get things done - I'd get my "real" satisfaction in teaching from 4M and of course from 4B.

A sad beginning

In my beginning I encrypt my end
I'tll only start when I become aware of how this must finish - in oblivion or otherwise - ah - cut the abstractions ... down to the mundane musings.
Right - am wiritng this cause I'm
1. intrigued by the opendiary idea - have come across it in snippets and through the kids muttering about it and think it may be interesting
2. I'm repressed about a lot of things - work, being nice etc - might be a good outlet.
3. I like typing more than writing and can't PDA fast enough to allow the stream of consciousness to move on and move and on
4. Pissed with 4K today ...
So liet's begin with the mudane : why am I pissed with a class that i've come to grow so fond of?
Because they take YOU for granted (deliberately using the YOU instead of the ME to put in distance ...) Hey - I'm not a meglomaniac that wants everyonw to love me etc ... but when you're trying to make the lesson work and trying to garner some response ... and after the whole stupid year ... they still sit in silence - I don't care how well they've done for EL in the Prelims - they're attitude just sucks.
And i know that many of them didn't do the work - it's so minimal and they can't be bothered. What to do? Don't blare up in front of them bec. they are under stress from Prelim results. Should just expect less. Ah well ... tomorrow they may be better - perhaps -

what helps

what helps

I'm a moocher - mooching around to find what this is all about. 4K was sulky on friday - and I walked out on them - guess it was ok since i've been nice to them all year - it was about time ... anyway - they were prob stressed with Prelim results and didn't want to do any work - which is sad really, bec. they are a great class with loads of potential ... sigh

Of course I know they will do well and of course I know they need some time off - but I can't stand it when they sit there as if you haven't existed for them for the last year or so ... it's so we're in our own world ...

what works? If i knew i wouldn't be writing here - the thing is looking back I'll probably be embarrassed ... anyway ... all those old teachers who have got it pat down - well i guess i'll salute them ... but i'll never want to get it pat down - it'll mean becoming immune ... so that's it.

Anyway, some of them were nice enough to come to talk to me about it. Funny thing - they didn't feel bad I think about not doing the work but felt bad about upsetting me - which is not the point really ... ah well ... got to see them on monday - hopefully we'll get all the results by then and then they will be less edgy !