How to Lose Your Accent in 28 Days

Concerned about how
My half-breed
Post-colonial tongue
Sounded to non
Non-White ears,
Tired of people inquiring
If I'd come from
Jamaica,
And provoked by
The bemusement caused
When I asked the Home
Depot Guy where
The sink augers were,

I embraced the insult
To identity, searched
Online, and found
"The Accent Reduction
Institute of
Ann Arbor."

"People are going to laugh,"
Edna said, "at an English
Ph.D., going for speech
Classes. All you have
To do is pretend to
Be uppity when you
Speak."

But I didn't want
To sound British or
Posh. I wanted
Words ending
In curled Rs,
Sentences blended
With softened Ts,
Nasalized vowels
On my breath.

I wanted speech to
Defy skin.

Eight hours
Of intensive work to
Straighten out the
Kinks of my tongue,
Would set me back
575 bucks and
I wondered if
I could write a check
Against the white
Man's debt to my people.

I went cheap and put in
A request at the Public
Library for a book
And CD that promised
"952 Ways to
Lose Your Accent
In 28 Days."

The next day, I received
The message:
"Your request is canceled
Because the owning
Library cannot fulfill it."

Instead of turning my
Tongue, perhaps I should
Work on getting it
Canceled.