May 2002

Poem in Several Scraps - 5/4/2002







"Before you hand in the script
Make sure you have
your name and index number
Written on it."

After 20 minutes
Sighing becomes less frequent.
Initially we objected to breath
Forming moisture on each
Other's faces.
Now it's welcomed.
Packed close like this, refrigeration
Does little to keep life in.

But we make do
a little grunt distracts
As does the trickling
of the next person's liquid warmth
Down his legs, steaming the carriage floor.

Death rattles by
Going the other direction
Carcasses - streaked marble
With blood.

"This way to the Promised Land"
If we keep warm enough.
Packed in close like this
B.O. and halitosis are salvation.

An hour later.
He sits with whip in hand - black ink
Scribbles are power
Forcing space on either side
He struts down the rows to make
Sure they clean up after they
Defecate.

Pens fly over creased paper!

No better than creatures! He moans
To himself as he shoves
A glance at the pattering feet
Retreating into even less space
As he makes his rounds.
No better than creatures!

"What's that rattling by?"
On the concrete it's hard to hear
Jangling steel carriages
Unless you're listening out
For echoes.
Stripes ornate as designer signatures
Random traces -
Streaks where veins
Arteriods, corpuscular twitches
Run.

Just under half an hour to go.
And his heart set on business yet
To be settled.
"Just sign here - right on the dotted line."
In his mind, a deal that can't be be clearly brokered.
"Right here on the dotted line."

Screams, piss, packed in steel carriages
"What's that going in the other direction?"
He scribbles away power
His name in red streaks
A bloodline etched in marble.

-2/3 May 2002

And do you know what it was invented for, and what it is still largely used for there? The control of slaves. If you can write down a woman's name or a man's name, you can write down all sorts of things next to that name, the amount of work they do, the time it takes for them to do it, about their methods, about their attitudes and you can then compare all this very carefully with what you have written about others. If you do this you can maneuver your own dealings with them in ways that will soon control them; and very soon you will have the control over your fellows that is slavery. Civilised people are very careful about who they let write down their names, and who they do not. Since we, here, do not aspire towards civilisation it is best that we halt the entire process.

From The Tale of Old Venn, Samuel R. Delany.











Of Fireflies and mice - 5/7/2002







"Poetry then, is the production of meaning operating through the machines of breath and time. Forcing its way like a fist through the air, it makes the air energy, combining thought and word, transforming relations into a vast energy field of desire."

the night before
The thoughts come quietly sometimes
like a lullaby just as you drift off to sleep
rudely sometimes
a shout jarring waking you up from
dreams

the soliloquy
"who am i and why".
- it never leaves does it?
The fear i think -
is of slipping
into insignificance.

auditions
Just as sure as
once we were told
we would be all things
and you were certain
of what could be achieved

watching a rehearsal from
the wings
so now its shadow-
the fear haunts-
recurring at the edge
of vision

curtains up. Alone.
and the only sense of
all that's possible
all that's yet to be
fulfilled
remains the shapeless
indecision that rehearses
itself in sudden waking
that struts the stage
as prologue to
a dream

If we wrote poems instead of having to speak to one another what would relations and communication be like? The slowing down of the thought process, the deliberation involved, the lack of spontenity and yet the ability to replay each word in your mind. We often think of poetry as an exalted moment of epiphanic revelation: to see eternity in a grain of sand stuff. But what if poetry truely (in Wordsworth's concept - ironically ) spoke the language of the common man, a mode of transmission with fields more open than oracy would perhaps be made available. In these times, when speed via the internet / mobile phones and SMSes have made communication linear and systemised, surely poetry is an alternate machine to open up communicative fields ...

In direction I find intent. In distraction, content
fr T. MickLeson Terms of a New Literary Language















Last Rites - 5/17/2002







Things are finally confirmed about the move to a JC and I'm quite pleased and excited about getting a chance to do something different. I suppose I've never really felt at home in RV in the first place so leaving isn't that difficult. And the fact is, after 2 years one senses that it's good to try a different environment. Obviously a JC environment is going to be different and will take some adjusting to. But I actually think that I'm more suited for that kind of environment.

Anyway I was just thinking about the length of time people stay in one job, or at least one environment. To just be in the same milleu year after year and to interact with the same small circle of collegues may give a sense of belonging and security to some I suppose but I guess too much of it does cause repetitiveness to set in. There's something to be said about being loyal to a single institution of course, but I guess that's for people who really believe in the institution are willing to give up the possibility of the new and the different for the thrill of seeing how a place can be developed and be built upon year after year.

Anyhow this will be the last week in a place where I've spent at least two years - not always fruitfully and not always with joy - and so it would I suppose be justified if I wrote a series of entries about the place and my sense of leaving it.

Again - something new - I don't think I've ever planned a series of entries that will work through a process or will thread through a week. Ah well, it's always worth a try.

Rubbish

The reality of leaving a place after 2 years is the amount of rubbish that gets accumulated. Not rubbish in the literal sense of the word but the piles of papers! The extra worksheets! The numerous books that I just brought in and never took home! The stack of CDs! So I started today to clear it all. Packed them into many boxes. But that's only the beginning. Not being a very organised person, I've just been chucking all the extras, "this and that" in the dark space beneath my desk. And my has the pile grown. Sigh. Wondering what to do. Probably to the recycling bin. Returned my numerous books to the resource room as well. And the CDs that I've brought from home! It's quite amazing I think I've got well over 20 CDs and VCDs stashed all over my desk. And the files and the notes. The books as well. I wonder how I'm going to cart it all home. Must make sure I leave the place pristine. And I haven't even started on the stuff on my table top, drawer or cupboard.









And so the sickle turns - 5/18/2002







More Clearing Up

Today I started in earnest to throw away things. So many sheets of paper accumulated! Anyway was good and actually sorted everything out. I threw most of the stuff away into the recycling bin in the TRC but kept all the papers that were only printed on one side for use as scrap / rough paper. At least that makes up for the amount of paper I'm throwing away.

It's nostalgic I guess, throwing away things. Actually found compos from 3M 2000! I think they were late work or corrections or something. Also found all my drafts for the testimonials I wrote for 4K last year - so the clearing up process was quite a nice walk down "amesia lane". Amazingly I realised that I've kept every issue of TIME and Newsweek for the apst two years - which adds up to quite a number of issues. I'm defoinitely not throwing those away though.

What do you feel about it?

You know someone left a note about my not talking about my emotions and not developing the character caught in this process of change or movement. I guess it's true that I don't want to get all mushy-ushy about things. I think I've always been quite reticent about sharing my emotions in a very plain and obvious manner, precisely because of the knowledge that emotions are complex things. But I'm quite sure about the fact that the mechanical nature of sorting through things does in fact make blunt the sharpness of emotion. I think part of the distance from emotion has to do with the fact that I've planned this move from the very first days that I was in RV.

It takes a historical turn

Even before I was posted to RV, I had managed to join an Independent school. It was all quite dramatic cause I hadn't called or scouted around. One day in Apr 2000 I got a call in the school where I was a trainee and was invited to "come for an interview". Anyway just a few days before the official postings were out I actually had resigned from MOE and had "joined" the Indie School. But as things worked out, in that one week before I had to report at my "new school", MOE refused to let me join the Indie school. As such I had to come to RV.

But of course the story didn't end there, cause even as a trainee I already had made contact with the GEP branch and was hoping to perhaps teach there. As it worked out, they couldn't take me in in May 2000 but could in Jan 2001. And so, there was that possibility even after I had been posted to RV. But being naive in the diplomatic game, through a series of rash, silly and perhaps foolish moves (plus demands) I lost that opportunity as well.

Since then, I flirted with the idea of joining other Indie schools, other institutions and was continually on the look out for something different. But it's been a double edged sword. While there's always promise initially, as things develop, one realises that other schools and institutions are also very wary about things and the kinds of games MOE plays. As such most of these forays never went beyond a few e-mails.

I suppose it's a double edged sword also in the sense that the powers that be in RV have always doubted my loyalty to the school - the fact was they knew I was always thinking up alternatives. I don't know - I guess from their perspective they saw it as never being able to fully settle down, and therefore never being able to "give my best" to the school.

But I always maintained that just because I consider alternatives, it doesn't mean that I can't give of my best. I suspect it's more of understanding what "your best" means versus "my best". I guess I've never been fully able to support what one would term "the culture of RV" - as that would take a longer term commitment. And yet, perhaps this restlessness has become a convenient excuse for my non-support of "RV culture" - what is it anyway - perhaps it hides deeper motivations for my non-support of it.

Anyway I guess the breakthrough came when I managed to do some forward planning and get a spot in a JC (though not this one that I'm going to...) and managed to arrange things so that the transition would be easier.

But I think I'm pretty sure about one thing. Looking through the stuff - the notes, the essays, the confi files, the testimonials - I'm pretty sure that in spite of my restlessness, I've never short-changed the kids. That to me is important. In fact it's precisely because I never saw myself as a long-term brick in the wall, that I perhaps was willing to go just a little bit further in wondering about the way things are, and whether things have to remain status quo, and of course constanly shared this with the kids. And even if that doesn't bear immediate fruit - perhaps some day it will.







Make My Day - 5/20/2002







First off, I must say that the notes left by many of those who have been following the series (this entry being the third) have been very sweet and very encouraging. Not that we do what we do in order to receive the ratification of our students but it's always nice to leave something positive behind I guess.

They are also especially helpful as it's been a rough day, one which destroyed any lingering redemptive illusion that this leaving would at least be pleasant.

It had to do with being squeezed to do stuff that was both insignificant and long irrelevant on top of a whole silly Assessment exercise. To go into specifics would just be silly but it's the ressurection of what to me was 1. an already dead-end project and 2. an irrelevant survey. To be highly responsible would be to say - yes yes I'll grit my teeth and push it through - but the fact of the matter is that when I handed one of the projects in for vetting last year, it was just sat on and now over a year later, it's resurrected and "make sure you redo the thing before you leave" - give me a break, the project didn't even see the light of day in the first place and is now entirely irrelevant (it being a web-site), I'll have to overhaul it. SO I was most unhappy about it. The survey - well that was typical me really - conducted the creative writing workshop last year and didn't do a survey of it. And now it's back to haunt me. To me, a survey asking a list of questions is just too artificial a measure of the impact of anything and so I've resisted doing one. But apparently they're not letting me go in peace until I've done a survey. Which is entirely stupid because so much time has lapsed since then. But, if I wanted to be professional and mature about it - it's all due to my lacksidaisical attitude and lack of commitment to "see a job through". Irritated.

On top of that I've got to write up these horrid forms which are supposed to reflect my "competency" levels and the goals I've set and achieved. And here's the catch- they're not even for real ! it's a pilot programme they're trying out. Of course all teachers have to do this so I shouldn't be complaining. It's just that I suck big time at writing down either the obvious or the pretentious.

But all is not lost. I guess some of the emotion with regard to leaving is creeping in. I find it rather difficult to speak of it to the kids that want to know about it. Difficult I think because there's a sense of "why are you leaving us in the lurch" - which I must hasten to add is not the intention at all, plus they may get someone who is a better and more effective teacher than trundling ol' me (I hear a roar of approval from the left hand side of my form class ... near the back ...heh heh). And yet I'm pretty sure that it's important for the kids to learn that their success - whether in learning or being human - has much less to do with who's there cheering them on, but more to do with their desire and willingness to put their shoulders to the wheel. I think there is anxiety about what or who they're new teacher will be like but I'm sure there's also an element of excitement and that they'll come to benefit from that person as well.

Actually I've learnt something in the process that's rather interesting also. The ability to let go of a class, a project, an ambition or a even a plan, means that you've come to acknowledge that you're not indispensible. That's a humbling thought I think for many of us. To know that somebody else could very well take your place and do just as gooda job, or even better. The fact is that unless I come to that place of recognising that, I'll always be occupying a shadow - hoping to be what I'm really not and never developing into, well, someone else. The myth of permanance so pervades our psyche that the temporal and shifting nature of much of existence is often obliterated. To quote from Melville: "and I myself were a shuttle mechanically weaving" moving from point to point via infinitesimal distances, a dy/dx of nervous energy recurring.

Ah well to cheer myself up I went to watch Star Wars alone at JEC. Was rather entertaining despite all the bad press it's been getting. That Anakin guy and me many similarities in terms of being angry with things and impulsive - just hope I don't get into heavy breathing. Anyway what struck me was how read from a Marxist / Materialist perspective, it dramatises the movement from a feudal society (ie JEDI) to a more mechanistic and materialistic one (ie Droids and money-fed clones). The irony of course is that the liberation from the feudal elite allows the stepping up of a kind of totalitarian power. So that's where the Marxist frame doesnt' fit. The material conditions seem to democratise things (now you don't need a light saber to be powerful) but also leads the order to be susceptible to totalitarian influence. It does therefore set up a situation where conflicting theories of power co-exist, each feeding off the deficencies of the other. But of course the story packages all this under the dark side of the force in a conspiracy theory that would make JFK shudder. The ideological mystification is therefore this notion of the Force which is fallen upon when the material conditions seem to defy analysis and lead to contradictions. So, in spite of the numerous allegations that the conversation was stilted (hey - these aren't meant to be people, but archetypes), that the effects were overdone (the predominance of the technical thus lends itself to a materialist reading) and that the story line is too slow (a comment reflective of our fetishisation of linearly directed plot - again a cultural assumption in part contributed to by the first trilogy and now raged against by this offering - the dominant symbol of movement in the movie, the space craft are hardly linearly designed - the opening sequence is indeed a confounding of linear movement) I think the movie was worth watching.

After a difficult day.







One More - 5/23/2002







If I lived my life one moment at a time, what would that life be?
An endless sequence of plastic images circulating round my mind.
If I lived my life one moment at a time.

If I only dreamt one dream at a time, what would that dream be?
A mark left only in the hazy whisper of memory,
if I dreamt one dream at a time.

If I only sang, one song at a time, how would its melody sound?
The hum of monotony, consistent but never profound,
if I sang one song at a time.

If I read only a single page, what would its message read?
The cold unfeeling image of scattered fragments,
if I read only a single page.

So I will whirl through moments - past present future,
dreaming torrents that carve dreams in hearts.
I will sing songs ceaselessly and read out words carelessly.

Because if I only dared to live one moment,
to dream one dream,
to sing a single song and
read a single page -
What would that life be?

That probably sums up how I'm feeling at this juncture of the leaving. Now, I am aware that writing like this makes the fact artificial and somewhat contrived. But to give shape to events is the artist's perogative and so excuse these musings.

...those i've taught before ...

Hmmm how does one write about kids that you've taught for about half a year and who express a certain sense of gratitude and thanks? I suppose I'd like to thank them as well for teaching me a lot about what teaching means. I've had many ideas about an ideal classroom and ideal responses. But I've come to realise that even the best thought out of things can't work unless some sort of contact is made. And so I think that's something I can thank the kids for - for showing me this. I also think that this particular bunch of kids have lots of potential. Not merely to do well. I say merely cause it's just a by-product. we've made academic excellence a structural assumption - it isn't. It's the learning, the inquisitiveness, the daring to be someone different from what you already are that makes potential. I've enjoyed reading their work (cause many don't say much) and have never failed to be impressed with some of the insights and ideas. I suppose that's one o fthe priviledges of being an EL teacher, you catch a glimpse of an inner life. That's something I'll miss esp. with GP. I think this fusion of work and who we are is a remarkable thing. If we saw each piece we wrote as an extension, a crafting of ourselves, an aspect uncovered, then each piece would be a new world.

So some parting messages I guess are in order:
You've all been very positive about learning. More often than not, you all were conscientious and wanted to learn. Focus on that and let that become more and more a part of you.
I know that there were times that I went off onto what might have seemed tangential - but I do hope it'll make sense in the bigger picture.
I'm sure I'll miss the moments of silliness also. Not that I approved of them all the time but they did liven up the lesson. I guess there were those moments where I didn't know whether to laugh or scold, and that made teaching you all memorable.
And last of all I guess - I sincerely hope you'll fulfil your potential in every way you can. Never let someone rob you of your voice, your style, your passion. Be open to what people (esp teachers!) have to say, and allow your talents and beliefs to be crafted. But never lose sight of that precious thing that is YOU.







Something Stupid - 5/26/2002







Have looked through the entries of the recent past and realised that of late everything I write seems to take life so seriously. There's been a change in tone to a sense of dread and ominous foreboding, a sense of what is lost and never attained as well. I think some of the earlier entries were much happier - as if there was a lot more to laugh about - especially about myself.

Anyway - to all the nice people that have left nice notes - thanks a million. You know, as much as I'm excited to try something and some place different, there's a nagging sense of anxiety as well. I haven't taught in a JC before and wonder if I'm going to be up to it. I suppose it's important that I try and give myself the challenge and so these notes that give a vote of confidence do go a long way. In spite of appearances, I guess we all struggle with our sense of whether we're up to mark and this sometimes holds us back in the familiar.

Anyway i won't try force a funny entry to make things lighter. But I think a comment on collegues from the school I'm leaving is in order.

I think one of the things that I've never really adapted well to was the staffroom in the school. Ok. This was mainly my fault cause I found it more interesting to hang around in the canteen with the sec 3/4s (2000/2001). But just about this year with everyone suddenly leaving I really found myself at a loss - who do you talk to?

Interestingly enough,I had always got along well with OTC. For several reasons I guess. First - she was friendly from the start. I remember from one of the early days when I was still miserable about being in the school, and was busy laying out magazines at 630 in the morning. She was around and started chatting. Second, she knows quite a lot about art and culture (which is probably surprising to a lot of people) and was the only person I could talk to about Modernism, Post-structuralism etc ... Also, she was always around, hanging around late so we also talked quite a fair bit. Which to me is a real uncanny situation. Cause I think externally we're like worlds apart. She's loud, noisy, without inhibitions and an old girl; while I'm quiet (most of the time) and apologetic. But we got along fine.

Another nice colleague, Mr C. Also because of the magazines. He puts out the TIME and I do the Newsweek and we got to talking that way. Especially last year right around the elections. He had many stories to tell and interesting opinions I guess that not many people were interested in. But I was I guess. He's been really nice, teaching me the tricks of the trade and making me feel more comfortable with the older guys on the staff. I think the more senior members of staff will always feel a little uneasy around younger members of staff unless there are bridges, personalities that can bridge that divide and I'm glad for Mr C for that.

Sadly, there have been friends that used to talk with me a lot but don't anymore. At the beginning I guess people saw me in a certain mould - go-getter / ideas person/ young, enthusiastic, energetic / supporter of school policies - and the corresponding people would hang around with me. But as time whittled away that perception I guess I was no longer worth while to talk to. Which makes things all very mercenary doesn't it? But I kinda understand that cause everyone's so mega busy - it's not worth your while to just sit around and talk.

You know, when I was in Sec 4 I was nominated by my school for some AIA achievement award. This was mainly because I was rather active in community service in sec 3/4 (this was way before the days of CIP and we did it ... well because we cared ...) Anyway: I guess after trying things out for two years, I realised I wanted a change. And so at the interview they asked me about my commitment to these kinds of things. And I think I was too brutally honest. I told them that I'd much rather hang around the canteen and talk to people. Which is an answer that doesn't bring you very far in these interviews. Anyway - I guess the same kind of realisation hit me after a while in school. There are some things that you just want to do and be active in for a season and after that it's time for a change.

Anyway - have made some plans for the June Hols:

1. Ms Tan will be away on some thinking conference in June. So I'll be all alone. Sob Sob. Actually not all bad cause it does mean I can watch the World Cup without incurring her disdain.

2. Must definitely finish writing up some of my assignments for the Masters Course. Have only written up 2 credits worth of work and still have three more credits of short assignments. PLus the long essay. And all this is only for the first module!

3. Must study to be a GP tutor! Will accumulate material and study it. Not so much concerned about the logic and arguments. But really with the simplification and the techniques needed for Compre.

4. Must read up more theory - Delueze and Guatarri - was in Borders and they have a nice new shipment of D&G books! Must read more Dollimore as well ...

5. Must read comics! These are the latest thing to catch my interest. I suppose having spending power does encourage you to buy these graphic novels. Kino sells them at rather competitive prices ...

6. Of course - must watch my weight and build muscle. Still very flabby and not running fast enough ... fast enough for what ... hmmmm one wonders ....









BBQ - 5/28/2002







So sad - yesterday for the first time in my life in RV, there was an informal gathering of teachers for the sake of just - well - gathering. I suppose it was quite a nice way to say goodbue to some people cause it was the first time the staff really took some time off to meet in quite a large group. Of course departments and friends often meet, but I think last night was the first time we had quite a good response for this kind of BBQ gathering. Anyway hope it signals more relaxed and fun relationships between the teachers who are often over worked and pressured to the point that they don't even have time for themselves.

Did the fire for the BBQ and yes! it was another "AWAY" (one of the other memorable BBQ successes being 4B 2001's chalet BBQ) success. Usually feel more comfortable setting up BBQ fires at home where there's the familiarity of the wind direction, shelter, pit as well as the secret weapon (electric fan). Am actually quite pleased with my ability to start BBQ fires. YOu know - it takes skill and technique.

First it takes skill to arrange the charcoal strategically. For a large pit, you need four to five little mounds. These for the nuclei of the large fire. Now a lot of posers when it comes to starting fires refuse to use proper fire starters. They want to use leaves, paper, even kerosene. Don't be stupid. The point of the fire starter isn't merely to get a flame going - it's to get a sustained flame so that the charcoals get hot enough. Further, these other combustibles don't burn long enough to get the temperature hot enough to ignite the charcoal. The idea in arranging the little mounds is for the flames from the fire starter to lick the charcoal so that the charcoal itself gets hot.

A tip: the mounds should be arranged on the principle that the flame won't get blown out from being too exposed. At the same time, there needs to be enough circulation of air to keep the flames going.

Second stage. Just as the fire starters reach the end of their pitifully short life, the next stage of starting the fire is approached. Now here's the thing - if you started about five mounds all at the same time, they will all start going out about the same time. Experience has taught me that out of the the five, only three will be hot enough for the charcoal to catch. Leaving two mounds wasted. What thus can be done is to sprinkle more fire starter (crushed) over the mounds before they die out so the fire keeps going longer.

Here's where a fire makes it or leaves everyone frustrated with frozen food. You need to get the flame going by getting the charcoal to light up on its own. By this stage, some of the pieces of charcoal should be white hot. These are the pieces that are hot enough to burn on their own. The most traditional method is to fan it. But this has certain disadvantages, which I will first consider and then propose an alternative.

1. Slow fanning is a waste of time. Some people think that just waving a paper plate slowly constitutes fanning. Wrong. Slow fanning actually puts out the flame. Further, slow fanning is really the stereotypical picture that many people have of BBQ fires. Once you start slow fanning, people tend to want to "contribute" and you'll hear of chorus of volunteers going, "Let me fan, let me fan." Not only is this unproductive, it's a waste of paper plates. Which is itself another problem because really, paper plates are too flimsy to be of any use when fanning - plastic ones work better.

2. Fast fanning is better. But you need to know the angle of attack. Interestingly, it isn't from the side that causes this to work. It's from the top. However the disadvantages are evident. When you're at the mound stage of fire building, the separate mounds need differentiated treatment. Thus, while you fast fan one mound, an adjacent mound gets adversely affected. Plus a further mound may suffer from the draft. Further, fast fanning is really tiring. After one minute your arms ache. Also, you attract the wrong type of attention. All these macho wannabes come and say (after being of absolutely no help while you were toiling away getting your hands dirty arranging the charcoal), "Eh, let me fan." Then use the act of fanning to try to show off to the girls how strong they are. (Please)









BBQ part 2 - 5/28/2002







3. Blowing it. Now, I know that many people still think that this is a very stupid way of getting a fire started. But let me explain. I feel blowing a directed breath of air at a specfic charcoal mound is the most effectively way to get a fire going at this stage as it means that you provide the air to the point of the pit that needs it most. People think that its unhealthy (it is - the close proximity to the pit and the smoke getting into your eyes confirms irritation) plus unhygenic (it is to a certain extent - my hair smells of BBQ smoke because of the close contact for several days after a BBQ ...) But it's the most effective plus the most spectacular. Imagine a pit with hot coals but none lit up. Then the blower, in a concentrated breath, directs the air, coaxing the coals to light up, again and again, then, a moment's pause and suddenly the coals catch fire! It's a sight indeed! Plus: other benefits? Only those really interested in lighting the fire will come and try it out. The posers will immediately realise the amount of discomfort that the technique brings.

Next stage: once the mounds of fire are getting hot and burning quite well. the idea is to feed more charcoal to the mounds, such that the separate mounds will eventually be joined up by hot charcoal. At this stage, to spread the fire, any kind of fanning works. But my personal favourite is a quick blast from a mechanical fan. I remember in the days that people used to use hairdryers for the job. But if you're at home, a mechanical fan works just fine. But remember, there's no point getting the flame up for its own sake. You want the flame to spread the heat.

Lastly. Once there's a bed of hot charcoal, all burning on its own accord, the trick is to get the flame to die down. There's no point BBQing over a flame. You want the heat, not the fire. So let the flame die down a little (if you have a cover, use it) and then you'll be ready to cook food. Remember - oil from the food will cause the flame to leap up again - and so constant movement and turning of food is essential to keep it from getting burnt.

BTW - my comments are not reflective at all of the BBQ we had last night. There weren't any posers around. Everyone was just content to leave the fire starting to me ... and another teacher's fiance ... ah well ... I suppose it's always good to have someone around who actually likes to start BBQ fires.

Anyway the good thing about having a BBQ with all teachers is that the food is excellent. When the kids have a BBQ it's sometimes quite sub-standard. You'll have to be quite happy if they actually geta fire going. But last night was excellent. Everyone brought something interesting - even the fruit was specially packed and brought! High standards indeed.

Sadly, I didn't stay around very long. I guess part of it had to do with the fact that starting a fire is very tiring work and after doing that you don't really feel like eating. I ate like one sausage and three burnt satays but many pieces of pineapple ... Plus, I had to go quick cause yesterday marked two years since I've been married to Ms Tan! (which is another story in and of itself ...)







At Home - 5/31/2002







It did not take much to make him happy. Just leaving him alone in familiar surroundings was enough for him to well up with gratitude. After all he had not had a free day since the holidays had begun. So this day he woke up lazily, at eight in the morning. He mumbled, "Good morning" and went to read the newspapers. Then he realised that he had not exercised for a whole twelve hours. He shrugged on a work-out T shirt and took to skipping sets. Pyramids. 100, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200, 100. Steps upward then down. Then weights. Weights not too heavy. Weights not pyramids but balanced weights.

He was grateful for the fact that the morning was his. He drank a coffee.

Made by himself, not ordered. He stretched out and read a comic. Then the phone rang and tuition called. He took a quick shower. 3 hours helping a friend with GP. Ok.

It did not take make to make him happy - just some time alone.