Man Gave Names to All the Animals

As the school term winds down here and a flurry of final papers that need to be graded descends upon me, I've noticed that the most creative bit of writing that I'll ever see from my students doesn't really occur in the essay proper. Instead, it's tucked away, in the top left-hand corner of every paper, right after the heading "Instructor: ..."

I've been named a good many things in these past two years. The obvious mispellings still occur even after I've been with a class for the entire semester. The most common are the relatively basic additions or changes that remind the teacher that he's got his own name spelt wrongly and that there is a better way to spell it. To these students, I'm either "Gari Lim" or "Garry Lim", depending on their dislike for "y"s or penchant for "r"s. Then, there are the students who refuse to believe that my name is indeed a two-syllable word and insist on transforming it into a comment on my personality or outlook on life. To them, I'm "Gray Lim". Others decide that I'm really quite a jolly chap. Either that or they insist taking our class discussions about sexual identity one step further by calling my declared heterosexuality into question and labelling me "Gay Lim". Just last week, one student insisted that "Gary" was much too common for her tastes and opted for a version that put me right in the middle of the 18th century, parasols and a Jane Austen novel: "Garrick Lim".

My last name has come under assault as well. Some students, probably after a nasty case of food poisoning in Chinatown or an unpleasant run-in with Canal street touts, rather not have a Chinese teacher teach them English. To them, I'm Korean and "Gary Kim". The most subtle substitution so far has been a powerful indictment of the meaningless and arbitrary conventions with which we phoneticize Mandarin names with the latin alphabet: "Gary Lym".

And today, I received a paper that just took the cake. I haven't really worked out what this student was thinking, but hey, I'm open to suggestions:

On Power

If power lacke on any syde on that syde is no power, but no power is wretchydnesse. For al be it so the power of emperours or kynges or els of their realmes (whiche is the power of the prince) stretchen wyde and brode, yet besydes is ther mokel folke of whiche he hath no commaundement ne lordshyppe; and there as lacketh his power his nonpower entreth, whereunder springeth that maketh hem wretches. No power is wretchydnesse and nothing els. But in this maner hath kynges more porcion of wretchydnesse than of power. Trewly, suche powers ben unmighty, for ever they ben in drede howe thilke power from lesyng may be keped of sorow; so drede sorily prickes ever in their hertes: litel is the power whiche careth and ferdeth it selfe to mayntayne. Unmighty is that wretchydnesse whiche is entred by the ferdful wenynge of the wretche himselfe, and knot ymaked by wretchydnesse is betwene wretches; and wretches al thyng bewaylen. Wherfore the knot shulde be bewayled, and there is no suche parfyte blysse that we supposed at the gynnyng. Ergo, power in nothyng shulde cause suche knottes. Wretchydnesse is a kyndely propertie in suche power as by way of drede whiche they mowe not eschewe ne by no way lyve in sykernesse. For thou woste wel," quod she, "he is nought mighty that wolde done that he may not done ne perfourme."

-- Thomas Usk, The Testament of Love Book 2 Chapter VII

Promptly ...

Promptly at nine, start the section

He tried to steal my pen
Lehman? My High school
Was up in the Bronx
"Walton High?"

Thick stubby nails chewed through
I went to Bronx Science
"Bronx Science?!"
Yeah ... Bronx Science

With woolly beard overflowing face
There's a story about that
I was good at
Math still am

"NYC. 2005 Samuel R. Delany"
Took the special exams
And got in -- Math
I'm good at not Science

"And the name's ... Gary?"
After four years
I was still a
Sophomore

"And Carnivals ... I'll read some"
Wasn't structured enough
Skipped out too
Many classes

"Is Atlantis ... that and Of Plagues ..."
So I dropped out took
The GED
And had a baby

"My only experimental work ..."
I'm going to major in
Accounting -- I'm
Good at Math

Promoting Explicit Political Views

Read this most strange report on Channel News Asia:

???

about the prohibition of PROMOTING political views: "Dr Balaji added that individual bloggers can discuss politics, but have to register with the Media Development Agency if they persistently promote political views."

The complete failure (refusal or inability?) to recognize the multiple ironies inherent in presenting an overtly ideological position as non-political "policy", once again has me in wondering about who lives in an alternate reality.

For my part -- here's a link to an implicitly impolitic media clip that isn't being promoted on this non-political blog about food production -- here's the Chee Soon Juan "when you hear this, I will be in prison" clip (which of course, is also worth listening to now because he was in and is now out ...) -- must listen -- how often does one get references to Winston Churchill, a strange political-analogical reading of "The Three Little Pigs" (featuring the "Wolf of Despotism"), the "national lie", biblical overtones ("As I sit in prison, I ask for your prayers, but more importantly ...) and of course, much alliteration ("taunts and torments" / "feeble facade"). For stuff like that from the PAP, need to wait for crisis like SARS (check out Ng Eng Hen's strange extended metaphor on the "war" against SARS near the bottom of the page ....) I hope this doesn't sound like I'm mocking a politician here -- afterwards Opposition sue me .... Check it out -- the Man is worth listening to ...

It doesn't often get better than this ...

So now got 6 links to the clip on one page ... does that mean I'm promoting explicitly political views?

Chilli!

It's just a bowl of chilli. With Ms. Tan away, I decided to experiment with making chili. I've always liked the thing -- my first encounters with this strangely named American dish were in the now defunct Wendy's fastfood joint at Far East Plaza. It's yummy food and I order it often enough when I eat out. I know it's really easy to make (otherwise I wouldn't bother) but I must say that doing it yourself gives one a certain kind of pleasure (yes, the knowledge that I can cook to please myself is an added bonus). Anyway -- this was the last bowl from the first batch. I've been eating this stuff since Ms. Tan went for her conference, so I've been at it for three days. Of course, there's always been a slightly obsessive streak with me and trying out stuff; so, I decided to make another batch!

Many options were considered. "Another Pot of Chilli for Three Days?" (the problem with obsessions is that one lives with the consequences ...) "Why not use Short Ribs instead?" "Should I do it with Beer?" (I briefly fondled a bottle of Guiness at the supermarket ...), "Should I do a Vegetarian version?" (I decided against that in the end as Ms. Tan's presence will provide many opporunities for experimentation with vegetables ...) I finally ended up deciding to stick to basically the same combination of ingredients, to see if I could replicate the pleasant effects of the first batch.

But -- the supermarket didn't seem to have nice looking ground beef. The cheap ground beef looked strange (actually this other guy picked it up and his girlfriend scolded him ... so I took my cue from there ...) So I ended up having to do a combo thing -- some chicken and some minced sirloin (more expensive than just regular ground beef). This I seasoned with a liberal sprinkling of just about every spice and seasoning we have in the kitchen ... which we own through the culmulative courtesies of people who have visited ...



More key ingredients: the Beans! I like Black Beans so I decided to stick with them. And just so that I could say that this batch was slightly different from the first one, I got Pinto Beans. They taste like baked beans without Ketchup ... And GOYA is my brand, man. They make a whole range of Latino food staples.

Next, the mandatory onion. Watching lots of FoodNetwork has convinced me that Rachel Ray's Onion Chopping method is the best. She slices it in half, makes vertical incisions, then works her way across the body. I always get the direction wrong ("wah leow, how come the Onion is coming part" ... adjust ... adjust ... "wah leow, now the juice is making me cry ...") BUT this time I was deliberate! (NOT obsessive compulsive obviously -- can't remember the direction to turn the Onion ...) And of course, you need those Jalepeno peppers. I got three good sized ones. They're actually quite hot but don't have the bite of chinese green chillies. I took out the seeds, though -- ripped them out with my thumb -- which probably explains why I'm typing with fingers on slight fire ...


And the whole lot went into the skillet for a good stir fry. This is our power skillet from Singapore -- that we were made to lug all the way here. But it's served us well for two years and even I can't ruin it with my lousy cooking technique. (These pictures were taken after a minor incident of the oil getting too hot and popping out of the pan ... got that under control ... I was aiming for the "smoking" oil stage but I guess there was some water in the skillet ... and the oil decided it would pop instead of smoke ... )
and while that's cooking, in go the beans. Into the crockpot (which we own courtesy of Singaporean earning lots of money living in New York who has no time to cook ...) I have grown MOST attached to this crockpot. It's endured my Beef Stew ("too much tumeric !!! You think this is curry, ah?"), my Orr Bee Bey (stripped down to no longer include Pandan leaves or Gula Melaka ... when I do it now, it JUST has the black glutinous rice ...) And now, it's being put through its paces with chilli making.

Ok -- all proper Chilli chefs got secret ingredient. They have whole competitions and it's a big time thing. For me, I just randomly ran into this little can at the Supermarket and thought that I would give it a try. They worked really well, these Chipotle peppers -- so now I can call them my secret ingredient. They give a nice smokey feel to the Chilli. I cut them up and throw them in, seeds and all. Three are quite enough, very power.




So final combination of everything in the pot, final stir. (Of course I will check this REPEATEDLY, as if it really matters ...) and food for the next three days!

Why I will go through the hassle

of registering to vote as an overseas voter AND cast a vote for the Opposition.

1. Always for the underdog, man.
2. GRCs are silly.
3. Elections in Singapore are a farce, so might as well play along?
4. I don't like casinos.
5. The Opposition Guy I voted for in the last election didn't get enough votes to get his deposit back.
6. I don't like those glossy PAP posters that go up immediately on Nomination Day: they must prepare them in bulk for everyone, whether or not the Constituency is being contested.
7. I disagree with a vision of society that's based on crass materialism.
8. I feel for the marginalized.
9. An effective way of irritating your friends and relatives.
10. I remember Francis Seow and and 1987.

Anyway -- my constituency -- which used to be a Single Member thing has been consumed by the GRC system -- so probably no chance to vote anyway.

Who's Really Damned ?

Greetings Again,

My my, throwing a bit of a tantrum are we? Would you still "probably ... rather not" (what is the impulse of that verbal spacing called hesitation?) even if we interpreted YOUR intentions more clearly than you ever could? Did we "demand"? Strange use of "demand". Almost as if you thought we would "demand", or indeed, perhaps you desire us to "demand". For without some prior knowledge that we would resort to coercion, how does an invitation turn into a "demand"? And thus, we MUST resort to a threat of some form, given the expectation of a "demand". We will supply the "demand". As you probably already know, we have a pretty comprehensive map of your existence on the Nets. We obviously know that you're an avid User of less than legal information sharing networks -- think 'Limewire' and the 'Pirate Bay' -- and that the kind of info we have about you, would be very valuable to certain Agencies and Corporate Empires. One way we fund our projects is, indeed, to demand for "donations" in exchange for our Silence. You DO understand what we're getting at, don't you? Besides, we know you are always open to "Abstract threats".

Tell you what -- we don't like coercion either -- but we have too much on You. At least entertain Us with posts about the Notebook -- if we enjoy them enough, we'll regard this little Cyber-incursion as merely a fortituous meeting. If we think they reek of the rank pedestrian stuff that parades for Blog entries these days, well, we'll just have to report you or make some money off you. Think of it as running to stand still.

Damn Yankees

I can't say that I'm distraught or upset by the intrusiveness of the entries not mine. I am mildly amused -- yes -- that would be the best way to put it. I guess I'm supposed to be flattered as well. But here's the deal -- I probably would rather not be pushed around by your DAMN YANKEE arrogance. In the name of what Freedom, from what position of privilege do you demand? Believe in your pseudo-anarchisms if you must but the coercion you use, if only ever the mode of Fascist living.

A prior recording resorted to BECAUSE of a technological failure (as opposed to this moment of recording -- enabled BY the technological, layered through the Networks, extracted, publicized and socialized in a composition via technè) becomes a moment to remember how an earlier recording was a itself a hinge; a cleavage in being because of racial and social stigmatization. The "little" book speaks volumes: writing consists of marks of difference and resistance.

Now that we've got your Attention

Greetings Gary,

Now that we've got your attention, let us introduce Ourselves. We're a Guerrilla Web Arts Collective that, well, as you've seen, takes on identities of bloggers like yourself, in order to further the Open Space of the Web. Perhaps the following quote will make things clearer:

Operating neccesarily from the inside, borrowing all the strategic and economic resources of subversion from the old structure, borrowing them structurally, that is to say without being able to isolate their elements and atoms, the enterprise of deconstruction always in a certain way falls prey to its own work.

Sound familiar? It should, we KNOW that you're familiar with Of Grammatology, that you're a Grad student at CUNY and that you, how should we put it, perfectly fit, the profile of the kind of person we're looking for. We would like you to join us.

Don't be shocked or surprised that we know so much about you. We should be upfront about how we got to know you. Remember when your G4 crashed a few months ago and you brought it to the Apple Store in SoHo for repairs? Well, let's just say that some of the people who work there, have skills that we require as well. You got your Hardisk repaired and we got a lot of information about you. And we've been monitoring your activities for the past several months and we've finally decided to extend this invitation for you to join us.

What actually sealed it was when you uploaded those images of your Notebook onto PhotoBucket. What kind of queer mind does that? We were waiting to see if you'd do anything with them -- they were just sitting there -- so we decided to make the first move. We gather that the posts were strange enough to garner some reaction and caused you to look back at this Blog. We could have just e-mailed or even called you -- but we suspect that the "shock" value of seeing someone take on what is intimately yours, would be much more effective.

We know your Reading Habits -- if you do actually read all those books you buy and check out from the Libraries. We know you recently purchased "No Gods No Masters", which is pretty much standard reading fare for us; that you bought a whole batch of SciFi second hands, which would make the persona we adopted while hacking into your Blog uncannily recognizable; that you also have Delany's Triton, which would make the idea of a Guerilla Arts Collective certainly one that you've encountered. We suspect that you've entertained the idea yourself. But we know you're a bit of recluse, too. Well -- the Web's the place to make those Connections!

Your reply in the last post, demonstrates the kind of narcissitic hubris that we just Love to have for our Cause. Couldn't resist making a public display of your frustration could you? The image and frank admission that you're essentially an intellectual flake was nice too. Anyway, get back to us about whether you're joining us, right? The Blog's a nice place to say it all. I see that We've got an "appreciative" audience!

And in the Spirit of trading Images,

Join us and get Rid of those Fascist impulses!

What the ...?

You don't Blog for a few months and apparently someone else takes over for you!
Ok -- some clown has been toying around with my Blog account. I only realized when people started e-mailing me about these strange posts they said they were reading on my Blog.
I didn't think that these computer nerds could get their hands on SO much info -- they obviously got into my PhotoBucket account too -- which explains these strange posts.
Anyway -- the whole thing's rather embarrassing now. So in case anyone reading this has thought me extremely dysfunctional, has been weirded out or has taken offence at the posts or the very personal disclosures, let me try to explain: I randomly photographed my notebook and loaded the images. I never intended for ALL of them to be put on the Blog like this!
Actually -- I only wanted to put the poseur ones (ok -- I know -- very posuer -- like the one on the left), in sort of a meta-critical gesture about texts and palimpsets, but the clown who hacked into my accounts obviously has other ideas about what is fair game!
So -- to the IDIOT who has been doing the previous posts -- in order to make the point that I'm not the least intimidated by the annoyingly intrusive thing that you've done, I'm NOT going to shut down the Blog or erase your posts (the least that I can do to believe in the value of this whole blogging business is not to take the route of so many governments and institutions in trying to legislate these spaces). BUT -- get your own blog started and stop impersonating someone else! AND since your posts seem to indicate a functional level of intelligence, you'd better have the decency to email me (limitlim@hotmail.com) and explain what the HELL you think you're doing. And I hope that you're not someone that I know personally ...

Gary Lim